j. lesley feezberg

• 2012-04-07

  

  EVERYTHING BUT RAP & COUNTRY MONEY GANG

• 2012-04-06

  IV

  Pavni and Donnie walked briskly through the streets of Neo-Omaha, scanning alleyways and vestibules for a secluded place to perform their hacking. Donnie spotted an overturned dumpster blocking the entrance of a run-down apartment building and signaled Pavni frantically.

  “Over here, man!”

  The rush of hacking was a big one, and since it was illegal to even own a CyberDeck in the lower rungs of Neo-Tokyo, a lot of real-life espionage went into the use of these futuristic machines. Donnie knew that if they were seen engaging with cyberspace by any of the DataCops or DigiAgents, it would be ‘game over’ for their hacking careers, and they would spend the rest of their adolescence in Sgt. Cathode’s School for Analog Teens.

  Pavni scrambled over the spilt dumpster and waved at Donnie.

  “All clear!” he yelled, as his Nike Digidunks disappeared behind the pile of electronic waste. Pavni was into shoes, and owned a vast array of sneakers, each equipped with its own unique array of flashing lights and pheremone generators. Donnie thought Pavni usually looked silly in his hi-tops, but their safety features had come in handy several times while running from the DataCops, and Donnie knew there was a little more to Pavni’s obsession than fashion.

  As Donnie cleared the top of the trash pile, he whipped his CyberDeck out of his eJansport. Already opening the lid, he settled down on the ground, Indian-style, next to his friend.

  “You ready?” he enthused, “If we pull this off, we’ll never have to go to school again! We can spend the next two years doing nothing but improving our already impressive hacking skills. And, of course, trying to ‘get laid.’”

  “If we pull this off, my friend,” Pavni said, pressing his deck’s electrodes to his forehead, “We won’t have to ‘try’ to get laid.”

  Pavni and Donnie simultaneously pressed the power buttons on their cyberdecks and their bodies immediately went slack. To an outsider, it would appear that the two were completely motionless — passed out, or perhaps in some sort of coma. But, in their minds, the two were flying the green-and-black world of Cyberspace, the Internet Bop sounds of Skullex ringing in their ears.

• 2012-04-03

  II

  Mrs. Cyberfranklin rolled her eyes and returned to washing the digi-dishes.

  “That’s fine with me, Donnie,” she said, “I guess you don’t really want to go to the Cyber Games this weekend.”

  Fuck. Donnie knew that his mom had his number this time. The Cyber Games were the most important event every year for the plugged-in digi-youth of Neo-Omaha, and anybody who missed it might as well be handing in their Cyberdeck and their hacker card.

  Donnie pressed a complicated series of buttons on his wrist computer, and his force shield disappeared. Sighing mightily, he waved his hand in front of the Automotrash unit, causing it to spring it action. The Automotrash shuddered and whirred briefly, then popped out a small, hard disc of laser-trash. Donnie picked it up daintily and set it on the counter.

  “Mom, this is gross,” Donnie complained, “Why can’t we have a cleaning-bot like everybody else on the planet?”

  “Because, Donnie,” Mrs. Cyberfranklin explained patiently, “You know how I feel about robots ever since your father was derezzed in the Robot Digi-war of 21xx.”

  “Yeah, but mom, robots are everywhere now, even the presid…”

  “Stop right there, Donnie, I don’t want to hear it.”

  Mrs. Cyberfranklin furrowed her brow and concentrated on the digi-dishes once again, refusing to make eye contact as Donnie sulked out of the front door.

  When she looked up, the laser-trash was still on the counter.

  III

  Donnie slammed the door of the cyber-bungalow and walked quickly to the gravwalk. He looked back at his ‘meatspace’ home. Even though Donnie knew that his real home was inside the bits and the bytes of the internet, he felt a strange tug at his heartstrings when he thought about the house he grew up in. It was there that he first learned to be an elite hacker, with the help of his father, Dr. Digibob Cyberfranklin, the inventor of the Futurenet.

  Donnie had learned a lot from his father, and the two of them were very close. Until that fateful day…

  Donnie snapped back to reality. He shook his head and scanned up and down the street. Neo-Omaha was a huge city, and Donnie and his mom lived in a part of town known as The Grotto, due to its colorful population of vagrants and cyber-criminals. Neo-Omaha, like most cities in America 2.0, was arranged vertically; the richest people lived on top, while the “bottom dwellers” like Donnie and his mother were relegated to the lowest rungs of the city, which functioned as a metaphor for society, and made me feel super-clever when I thought of it.

  Down the block, just past Ratzo’s Cyberspace Café, Donnie could make out the figure of his best friend and fellow hacker, Pavni Flashdrive. Pavni had grown up down the street from Donnie, but his family was from Hydrobad, a city in the area which used to be known as India. Pavni’s parents had fled to America 2.0 during the opening battles of the Robot Digi-war of 21xx. They left behind everything they owned for chance at survival, and ended up in one of the worst neighborhoods in Neo-Omaha. Life’s a bitch.

  Pavni was always in good spirits, though, and today was no different. As Donnie strolled up, he could see that Pavni was excitedly poking at the touchscreen of his Linux tablet. While most people were content to use the latest consumer electronics from companies like Appletron, Pavni was a serious hacker that built his own electronic gadgets and got many girls because of it.

  “Look at this, Donnie!” Pavni exclaimed in his thick accent, which was endearing. “I have discovered a new vulnerability in our school’s cyberwall!”

  Donnie nodded slyly. It was time to pass history — the easy way.

• 2012-04-02

  I

  Donnie Cyberfranklin rolled over in bed and pressed the pillow against his head. But it couldn’t stop the incessant bleating of his mother.
  
  “DONNIE!” she yelled over and over, “IT’S TIME FOR SCHOOL!”
  
  “Jesus Christ, mom,” Donnie muttered petulantly, “It’s not like my high school isn’t filled with stupid jocks that don’t appreciate the hacking abilities that I’ve cultivated since the age of eight.”
  
  Swinging his legs out of bed, Donnie glanced up at a poster on his wall. It was a digital rendering of a glowing grid, stretching into the distance. On the grid were several cyber-cycles and there was a photo of a man superimposed over the grid, an orb of pure energy glowing between his outstretched hands.
  
  The man on the poster was Sonny Ninjor, aka “Skullex,” and he was a digi-legend. His blue dreadlocks dangled haphazardly from his forehead and he wore a shirt emblazoned with the symbol of the Computer Thugs, the powerful cybergang of which he was at the helm. In addition to his talents as a righteous hacker, Skullex was also known as a trendsetting musician — the inventor of a revolutionary musical sound called Internet Bop.
  
  Donnie thought Skullex was super cool.
  
  Today was a school day, though, and that meant dealing with the endless throngs of neurotypicals that didn’t understand the brain of a hacker. Throwing on a retro Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt, Donnie stomped downstairs and was accosted by his mother, who immediately began lecturing him about his cyberchores. “Donnie!” she screamed, red-faced, “Why didn’t you defrag the fridge when you said you were going to? You didn’t even take out the laser-trash!”
  
  Donnie shrugged and punched some numbers into his badass wrist computer, which was modelled on the “Pip-Boy” from the popular video game Fallout, and a glowing force field surrounded him.
  
  “Talk to the shield, mom,” he mouthed. “The ears ain’t hearin’ ya.”

• 2012-03-05

  [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

  here are the names of some movies i know. i hope you know them too!

  (recorded this last night. love the lyrics a ton. beat is something real old i made in like 2009 and then forgot about)

  Source: soundcloud.com

• 2012-03-02

  JUNGLE MASSIVE

  spotify playlist of songs about jungles and monkeys

  no actual jungle music

• 2012-03-01

  [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

  sorryimlate:

  Joke Of The Day - #1 - “Popular Phrases” by Tig Notaro

  

  An incredibly solid comedy album. My favorite bit on the whole thing is the Taylor Dayne story, but this is a close second. 

  “When you say those things… You cause me… To shed my uterine lining.” 

  i was looking for the chastity bono joke, but this will do

  tig 4 lyfe

  Source: sorryimlate

• →

  The Everything But Rap & Country Recording Co.™

  so i had to make a ‘catalog number’ in order to get a record pressed and i figured if i was going to have to make up a fake label name i might as well have a label too

  as of right now the only thing this label is releasing is the 250-record limited run of my LP “look at the mess you’ve made” but i’m giving a lot of thought about possibly releasing other artists moving forward, at least within the digital realm

  and yeah the name is ironic, duh

• →

  blah blah you kids today don’t know about real emo blah blah etc

• →

  

  normally i am not a big fan of mocking the dead

  but in this case have at him, he asked for it